coyotehugger

THE COYOTE HUGGER

At rise ROY, dressed in Levis, cowboy hat and boots, heavy wool shirt and Macinaw coat, is seated on an upended metal bucket at a small table improvised from a metal trunk and is writing on a scrap of a brown paper sack intently. HE has a horse blanket draped over his shoulders. ROY's right leg is roughly splinted with a broken shovel handle. A candle stub is on the table.

ROY

(Rubs hands together briskly, blows on fingers)

Jesus Christ! Not even full dark yet and cold enough to freeze the monkeys off a brass bullock! I swear to God, if I get out of this pickle I am a changed man. Swear to God. If somehow I live thorough this, I'll never be the same.

(ROY lights candle and briefly warms his hands at the small flame before picking up his pencil and resuming his writing. Beat. GREEN, wearing thick nylon ski parka and carrying small backpack enters and advances to ROY)

GREEN

Thank God I saw your light! I was about to give up, I thought it was all over! Then I looked up, and there was your light, flickering like a beacon... A star to guide me here.

ROY

Praise Jesus! You are a sight for sore ones, mister!

GREEN

Me? How about you! I've been on this damned mountain since daybreak, freezing my ass off every blessed minute. I had just about given up, I tell you...

ROY

(Interrupts, struggling to rise)

...Well, I am sure tickled you didn't give up! Here, help me up, can't you?

(GREEN grabs ROY's outstretched hand and helps him to his feet)

GREEN

Hurt your leg, huh? Is it broken? God, that must have hurt like hell...

ROY

(Interrupts, in obvious pain)

Ah, hell, it's just a simple break... Ain't so bad, as broken legs go, I reckon. Not near so bad as the time a bronc throwed me and stomped me, broke my pelvis, three ribs, and left shoulder. For four months I couldn't stand, sit, or lay down... now, that hurt. This time my hoss, Ol' Soap, stepped in a hole down the mountain a ways. Broke his own leg and mine to boot. Harder on Soap than on me.

GREEN

Well, here, just lean on me if it helps you.

ROY

Thanks, thanks kindly.

(Stands with one arm around GREEN's shoulder, almost hugging him)

I gotta admit, I been in some tight spots in my lifetime but I thought this time it was all over for sure.

GREEN

You thought it was all over? (short laugh) Let me tell you, I knew it was all over with! That is, I knew it was all over until I saw your light flickering.

ROY

Well, I am just thankful I lit it when I did! I really meant to save the candle stub for awhile, 'til it had been full dark for a piece. Then I thought, what the hell for? Better to light it now and use the glow to finish off this letter to Helene and the boys.

GREEN

(Distances himself from ROY a bit)

Helene?

ROY

Yeah, I knew I was a gone goose and wanted to get some things off my chest if you know what I mean...

GREEN

You knew you were a... a... "gone goose?"

ROY

Yup, sure did, 'til you came stompin' in here, I surely did. How in the world did you find me anyhow?

GREEN

(Pushes clear of ROY altogether and faces him)

Find you? I told you, I saw the light...

ROY

...Yeah, yeah, but how did you even know to come looking for me? I am at least ten miles from where Helene thought I was going and I didn't figure anybody to even start lookin' for me for at least another 24 hours. So how did you know to search for me up here?

GREEN

I didn't, I wasn't searching for you, specifically. I was looking for anybody who could help me.

ROY

Help you?

GREEN

Sure! I've been lost since 10 o'clock this morning. No food, no water, and freezing my butt off. 'Til I found you I really thought I was dead as...

(The real situation slowly dawns on him)

Awww... Christ! You're lost too, aren't you...

ROY

Lost? O'course I ain't lost! I grew up in these mountains, know 'em like the back of my hand. Know exactly where I am...

GREEN

(Over, relieved)

Thank God!

ROY

...That's what scares me. I know exactly where I am so I know exactly how dead I will be come morning. 'Scuse me! I shoulda said, "I know exactly how dead we will be come morning." Come morning we will be froze solid... Papa-sicles, the coyote's desert! Dead as Slick Willie's reputation, dead as...

GREEN

Frozen! Dead! Papa-sicles! There has to be some alternative!

ROY

(Shrugs)

Maybe so, but I sure can't see it.

GREEN

Well, look here Mister... Say, I never did get your name...

ROY

(Extending hand)

Name's Roy Coxe.

GREEN

(Shaking hands)

And mine is Ellsworth Green, pleased to meet you. Mr. Coxe...

ROY

Roy! Just call me Roy, everybody does.

GREEN

Oh, well sure. And you can just call me Green, if you like... that's what everyone calls me. Even my students just call me Green, I tell them that " Mister Green" is my father.

ROY

Students? You a teacher, huh?

GREEN

At the University.

ROY

(Disgusted)

Ah, Christ! Couldn't you figure... Of all the people to die with, I get stuck with a college professor...

GREEN

(Interrupts)

...Now, don't start that talk about dying again! We have simply got to figure some way out of this.

ROY

(Laughs)

Whatever you say... So, tell me... Green... How did you come to be above the 10,000 foot level on Picacho Oro today?

GREEN

"Picacho Oro?"

ROY

Picacho Oro... "Gold Peak"... That's what the locals call this particular hunk of rock.

GREEN

Oh? On my Forest Service map it's labeled "Mt. Jefferson."

ROY

Shows how much the dog-assed Forest Service knows, don't it? 'Course, I don't know why they should know the first thing about it, seeing as there ain't tree one, never mind a forest, within five miles o' here. So, what are you doing on top of "Mt. Jefferson?" More important, is there any chance people are looking for you?

GREEN

No, not much chance I guess... I decided to climb up here to see if there was any evidence of unauthorized mining...

ROY

Mining? There hasn't been any mining here for fifty or sixty years. You sure nobody is looking for you?

GREEN

(Shaking head)

No chance, I'm afraid. No reason anybody should look for me.

ROY

Well, that tears it then.

(Struggles back to his bucket and sits)

Might as well get as comfortable as possible whilst we wait to meet our Maker. I gotta finish this note whilst I can still move my fingers...

GREEN

"Meet our Maker?" That's it then, you're giving up? Just sitting down and waiting to freeze?

ROY

They say freezing ain't a half-bad way to go. They say you just get a mite cold for awhile, then you go to sleep and just never wake up. They say...

GREEN

"They say, they say!" Who cares what "they" say? Look, between the two of us we have to figure some way to survive! I mean, you read all the time about men surviving for days high in the Andes or the Himalayas or whatever. They burrow into a snow bank or something. We must be able to do something...

ROY

Unfortunately, we ain't got no snow. If there was snow we could dig in, hunker down and use the snow as insulation to keep in our body heat. But we got no snow...

GREEN

...Are you saying we'd have been better off if we were buried in a snow bank? That's ridiculous.

ROY

(Bristles)

Oh, you think so, do you? Well, truth to tell, I don't much give a damn what you think!

GREEN

Oh, the hell with it! I'm not going to sit here and argue. I'm going to walk back down that mountain.

ROY

(Laughs)

Sure you will! Hah! You won't make it half a mile before you take a tumble and that will be that... Goodbye Professor!

GREEN

Well... You could help me! Together we could do it! You know this country like the back of your hand, you said so yourself. We can at least try!

ROY

And how far do you reckon I'll make it in the dark with a broken leg in zero degrees across some of the roughest country in the country? And once I am down and done for, how much further do you reckon you will make it by your ownself?

GREEN

Well, maybe you could make it... Don't you think you could make it? You know, leaning on me, with me helping you all the way. You could do it!

ROY

(Doubtfully)

Well, maybe in the daytime... At night, no way in hell. Can't be done.

GREEN

So, OK! Now we have scoped the problem! All we have to do is make it through the night, then walk out tomorrow.

ROY

(Sarcastically)

Yup! That's all we have to do. You college professors really cut right to the heart of the problem...

GREEN

(Over, moving around and studying the mine)

... So... How do we survive just one night? That is the real question. Or, more simply stated, how do we keep warm for just one night?

ROY

(Nodding, amused)

Yup. That is the question, all right.

GREEN

(Still examining surroundings)

Well, we have fire but no wood... Unless we count your splint... Can't burn that, though, how could you walk down the mountain tomorrow? Besides, that shovel handle wouldn't burn for more than an hour or so...

ROY

More like 10 minutes.

GREEN

(Inspired)

Maybe there is some wood farther back in the mine!

ROY

Don't you think I checked? The mine is blocked by a cave-in about fifty feet back. That's where I found the busted shovel, the only bit of wood anywhere around.

GREEN

Oh. (beat) I've got it! Look, I have a nylon ground sheet here.

(Takes off backpack, rummages, holds up 10' X 10' ground sheet)

ROY

(Sarcastic)

Yeah, I'd say that would do the trick... If you had about thirty of 'em plus a propane heater...

GREEN

Ah-ha! We don't have a propane heater but we do have this sheet, your blanket...

ROY

(Interrupts over)

...Ol' Soap's blanket, actually. It was the only thing seemed worth savin' after the wreck...

GREEN

... And we have each other! We are both pretty warmly dressed, so all we have to do is figure some way to hold in as much of our natural body heat as possible... Just like your snow bank in the Andes. We'll just grab onto each other, wrap up in your blanket, then lay on the ground to roll up inside my ground sheet! That way we'll conserve all of our body heat and we'll make it through the night! Tomorrow we walk down the mountain.

ROY

(Reflective)

Well... It might work. I gotta say, I ain't too pleased with the thought of spending a night wrapped up in a sheet with you, but it might work... By God! Let's give it a try!

GREEN

(Pulling ROY to his feet)

OK!

(THEY stand face to face, quite close together, and fumble with ROY's blanket during the following speech.)

GREEN (cont'd)

I must admit, I never expected to spend a night "in bed," so to speak, with a rancher, myself. I've spent all my adult life trying to stop the rape of the land by ranchers, and now to find myself forced, quite literally, into the arms of one... Well, I tell you...

(ROY pushes GREEN away. GREEN falls to the ground, struggles back to his feet as ROY speaks)

ROY

Just a damned minute there! What the hell you mean, "rape o' the land by ranchers?"

GREEN

(Long beat)

Well... Just exactly that. You people have abused this country with overgrazing for...

ROY

(Interrupts)

Oh, for the love of God! It ain't enough that he is a dog-assed college professor, he's gotta be a coyote hugger to boot! Sweet Jesus , why me?

(ROY and GREEN glare at each other in an uncomfortable silence for a moment.)

GREEN

Well, we may not like each other's politics, but we need each other to stand any chance at all of surviving. Shall we try to wrap up again?

ROY

No way! No way in hell will I snuggle up with you...

GREEN

Not even to survive?

ROY

Especially not to survive! My daddy didn't raise me up that way! People like you never understand that there are some things more important than just trying to stay alive...

GREEN

This is ludicrous! If you want to commit suicide, that's one thing, but you are sentencing me to death with you!

ROY

And the world will be a better place without you!

GREEN

(Long beat)

No. I am not going to allow you to kill me along with yourself. If you want to die, fine. But I will take your blanket and try to stay warm enough to survive by myself.

ROY

You'll take my blanket? (laughs) Like they say... You'll have to pry it out of my cold dead fingers.

GREEN

That can be arranged, if you insist.

ROY

(Laughs again)

Even with me on a busted flipper, you are not man enough to take this blanket, Professor.

GREEN

Not man enough? I may not be big enough or strong enough, but I am smart enough... (HE searches ground as HE speaks) All I need to do is find a couple of softball-sized rocks around here, then we'll see how many bean-balls you can dodge on your "busted flipper." Ah-ha! This is just the ticket!

(As GREEN straightens with rock in hand, ROY pulls a revolver from the pocket of his coat. GREEN sees pistol and freezes.)

ROY

Maybe we oughta see how many of these .357 caliber beans you can dodge... You got two good flippers, maybe you can jump outa the way of the first couple, you reckon?

(GREEN remains frozen. Beat)

ROY (cont'd)

No? OK, then... Suppose you just sit down right where you are. Real slow, real careful...

(GREEN sinks to the ground and ROY collapses back to his bucket and picks up his pencil. Beat)

ROY (cont'd)

Here, Professor, how does this sound so far? (reads from letter) "Dearest Helene. I am much afraid that I will never see you or the boys again. I can only hope that somebody finds my body before the coyotes gnaw my bones and carry off this note. It is near full dark now and the temperature must be down around 20 or so. Water was freezing two hours ago. I only hope you and the boys can forgive the bad things I did and remember the good things, if there are any good things."

(GREEN ignores ROY)

ROY (cont'd)

What? Cat gotcher tongue? I'll bet that's a by God first!

GREEN

Don't you think your Helene would rather you came down the mountain to her tomorrow, rather than just sitting there and freezing to death just because you don't like my politics?

ROY

(Laughs)

You don't know my Helene! If she was here she woulda already ripped your guts out, wrapped 'em around your neck, and used 'em to swing you from the ceiling. The only thing she hates worse than a Democrat is a dog-assed coyote hugger...

GREEN

Why! Why all this hatred for environmentalists? All we are trying to do is save the land...

ROY

I don't give a damn what you are trying to do! What you are actually doing is killing off an entire way of life! Ripping the land away from my sons, forcing men like me off the land we have held for over a hundred years...

GREEN

And you really think that our conflicting viewpoint is reason enough to kill me?

ROY

I ain't gonna kill you, not unless you try something stupid. I am just not going to exert myself much in trying to save you. To hell with you!

GREEN

Are you prepared to, as you put it, "meet your Maker," with my death on your conscience?

ROY

Prepared to? I am proud to! Just because the lion laid down with the lamb don't mean that I gotta lay down with the likes of you.

GREEN

You can't possibly believe what you are doing is right. You can't think it is right to just let me sit here and die...

ROY

Way I see it, if God wants you to stay alive He can send down a sudden warm front, a heat wave... Besides, you don't have to sit there and die. You can leave any time you like.

GREEN

No thanks, it's even colder outside.

ROY

Tell you what... If I freeze up before you, why, you are free to take my blanket and to hell with you.

GREEN

Very magnanimous of you.

ROY

But don't be moving around after this candle burns down and goes out. I ain't above taking a "sound shot" if I have to.

(The two men sit and stare at each other as candle flickers out. CURTAIN)

—END OF PLAY—

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